I'm down, I'm dark and I'm unhappy. I broke up with my last girlfriend, the only girl that has come close to me wanting to marry her. I nose dived the relationship and I'm ready to die. Don't get me wrong I'm not some emo kid who doesnt know how to handle himself. I have been on this I want to die road for a long time. Most of my life things have been shitty, things have been bad. I have always rebounded and moved on quickly.
This time I'm trying to deal with things and my life is shitty and empty. It seems everything is lame and I don't give a fuck about anything. My high sex drive is gone, my interest in everything is gone. The only thing I find joy in is drinking, smoking drugs and eating fast food that I hope will kill me. I love to smoke and pray it will give me cancer and I will die.
I have no prospects and pretty much am nearing the end. I'm broke, in debt, friends all have wives and no time for me. I have no interest in meeting other people. Sex used to be one of the few things that got me up and running. I've cut off all my post relationship rebounds and am now solo. I'm with my cat and would love to cry this out of me but I don't have the feeling of crying. I'm at the point that I want to just destroy myself and watch myself, my life and everything I don't care about burn.
What do you do when everything is black and you just don't care? I go to work, I do my thing and come home and sit on the internet looking to fuck random girls. The problem this time is that I don't care. I want to walk more but again I just don't care.
I don't want to laugh, I don't want to grow. I don't want to better myself or make people happy. I don't want to be awake and I don't want to sleep all day.
